About a(nother) boy

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I have been a pretty poor blogger these past couple of months. I would witness the same scenario repeating itself every morning: waking up with an idea and then finding a thousand perfectly valid reasons not to sit down. I have never indulged so much into manual jobs. I have been watching the washing machine doing its thing (yes, as in a sort of comic Poltergeist. I do sit on the floor and watch my washing machine sometimes), cleaned the oven a couple of times and went to the supermarket so often that I now have 6 bottles of dish soap on my kitchen shelf.

I went swimming every other day and kept gaining weight despite the effort. I now suddenly realize it had nothing to do with the blog. Or, not entirely. I had trouble writing because I wouldn’t write about what really was on my mind at that time.

The thing is that last November I found out that I am pregnant. And I now know it’s another boy. The third. If someone had told me a few years ago I would raise children of only one sex, I would have been sure it was girls. I am not that much into the frills and pink (though I would have indulged in some liberty blouses for sure) but I always thought I had something to tell to the next generation girls. I like women. I like little girls. I even like (most of the time) teenager girls. I like the fact that women talk all the time, and share life.

I also believe in fate, though. So, for some obscure reason which will unfold itself later or never, I have to raise (gentle)men. Before having my boys, I didn’t know a thing about men. I had a male dog, of course and had figured out they rarely hold a grudge and are pretty simple and straightforward. (don’t laugh, any dog-lover would get what I mean).

Now I know they are more fragile and emotionally dependent than girls but also simpler and living-in-the-present. I appreciate their fresh, indomitable physical energy and I try to teach them to be gentler as we will never have enough of men with a developed feminine side. I liked to think gender was imposed upon children by society but in my case, so far, it has proved innate. My boys could tell different cars before they could speak properly and would stare at a digger fascinated for 20 minutes in the same way I sat down in awe of some YSL vintage ball gowns I have seen at an exhibition a few months ago.

When I told them there was something new about our family, they asked if I had bought another iPad so they didn’t have to share anymore. As simple as that. How can one not adore those testosterone-filled brains?

That said, my pregnancy brain is slowly recovering from the first three months crash and I am now able of forming correct sentences again instead of wandering around without remembering what I was looking for.

I am determined to make the most of my writing time till mid-summer when I’ll probably have a few rough weeks in terms of daily functioning so I am planning to redesign the blog.

The thing is: when I started writing I was obsessed with my inability to be the half-dozen persons an average woman has to be on a daily basis. Then, of course, my thoughts have evolved and I have realized that my expat identity had become a shaping part of myself. One year and a few months later, it turns out my readers are most interested into the expat posts and into those related to my age group (with the one on turning 35 being a big hit, I guess us Millennials are all going through the same crisis). I will then focus on the life of a millennial expat and keep the mothering posts only when they can be inscribed into the two previous categories. The Brussels Bits will stay but with a less philosophical take and I will report more on Brussels lifestyle.

Wish me luck with the technical part of this change and stay tuned, I am back!

9 comments

  1. Congratulations and good luck!

    I have (what I consider) a very personal question, so just feel free to completely ignore it if you find it inappropriate 🙂

    My husband and I are getting moving with this “baby-issue” (as we call it), and there is something I can’t jus stop thinking about: what if I will be disappointed finding out I am expecting a baby-boy?
    When I think of my (future) family, I see a little girl. So I am sort of scared I will not be able of loving a baby-boy the same way as a baby-girl.
    Call me stupid, naive, immature, whatever, but that’s how I feel…
    So my question is: how do you feel at the idea of having three boys? How did you feel when you found out the first time you were expecting a boy? No regrets? No disappointments?

  2. Hi Lilli and thank you for your message. You know, I think there is a huge difference between what you think you’d like and how you actually react once you have it. The first time around, I wanted a boy, because I knew nothing of them and I was curious to see what a man-to-be would be like to be around. I never imagined to have more than one boy, though. When they told me #2 was a boy too I was in shock for a week and couldn’t tell anyone. I had already started buying white pajamas for #1 so that my (supposed) baby girl could wear them too (!). Truth is, I could never imagine now to have a girl instead of my second boy. They are noisy and boisterous but it’s all I know so I like it. This time I didn’t know what to think, or to expect. I always imagined myself with a daughter. I even had a name for her I came up with in primary school. I have always, always imagined her and what I would like to teach her and to encourage her to. Apparently that daughter won’t be of my blood, but it could be any young woman I will meet in life. You know, Lilli, I think that you can’t but embrace your fate and you always end up loving what you get. I now talk all the time of planes and bombs and knights and swords when everything I used to know about was Princess Sissi and Rapunzel.
    Last, your child’s personality will count more than her gender. I have a very sensitive boy, who thinks and acts in a rather delicate and feminine way and another one who’s pure testosterone. I thought of my girl as a little princess, with flowing hair and liberty dresses but, had I had her, she could very well have been a tomboy, with short hair and a passion for dangerous games.
    So, don’t overthink it and just go on with the baby thing. You won’t be disappointed, whatever you get.:)

    1. Thanks.
      I agree 100% about embracing my fate and whatever it will bring me.
      Deep inside I know I will love my child(ren) in any case… but it will happen when they will be here. For now I can only think about it… and sometimes too much thinking is simply bad.

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